Here’s a quick dad joke experiment: Go tell each of your parents, “I’m bored.” Now, we’d be willing to bet that your mom will respond with something like “I’m sorry to hear that” or “then go fold the laundry.” Your dad, on the other hand, will probably go with something more like, “Hi Bored, I’m Dad!”
Congrats! You’ve just been hit with a “dad joke“—loosely defined as a groaner so corny that you basically need to own a pair of white New Balance sneakers, a cellphone belt clip, and a coffee mug emblazoned with the phrase “World’s Best Father” to actually find it funny.
That’s unless you’re talking about the dad jokes we’ve compiled right here. Yes, they’re corny and awful, but somehow they all make us laugh despite their ridiculousness. So read on, and enjoy—and make sure to send them to your own dad. We promise, it’ll make up for all the times he told you that no, he didn’t get a hair cut, he got all his hairs cut.
Best dad jokes to tell any time.
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- What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
- My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
- My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down!
- What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto!
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it!
- I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
- What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
- What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
- A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, “First offender?” She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
- I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- What do Santa’s elves listen to ask they work? Wrap music!
- What rhymes with boo and stinks? You!
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
- I thought about going on an all-almond diet… But that’s just nuts!
- This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there!
- Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it!
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
- What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
Funny dad jokes you can tell in one line.
- What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
- To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
- I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole destroying!
- What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
- Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
- My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re his watch dogs!
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
- Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
- This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode!
- My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
- I invented a new word today: Plagiarism!
- What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey!
- After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!
- How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put some boogie in it!
- I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
Bad dad jokes to make you groan.
- Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
- Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!
- I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!
- I tell dad jokes but I have no kids…I’m a faux pa!
- So a vowel saves another vowel’s life. The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
- If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?!
- I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy!
- Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
- When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, “No, I’d rather drink it out of the carton!”
- The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this!
- What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got tiny legs!
- I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
- Five out of four people admit they’re bad with fractions!
- Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
- I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands!
- What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!